#14 - (Tie) Transformers & Alf
Theme Song from Transformers
Theme Song from Alf
Ok. Transformers. What a fucked up show. I mean it's not half as fucked up as the Smurfs, who get a spot a little higher up on the list, but it was still fucked up as all hell. Sometimes I wonder how I even made it through my childhood watching trucks turn into robotic flying machines and little blue men run all over the place....
But even more fucked up, HOW ON EARTH DID I SURVIVE A FUCKING CAT-EATING ALIEN NAMED ALF?
#13 - Batman (oldschool 70's version)
Theme Song from Batman (70's version)
I never watched the show much - but what little of it that I did see was certainly better than the Val Kilmer & George Clooney infested shitpile that Batman 2 & 3 were. I'll give props to the Keaton version for being the best of the 3, but still almost sub-par. Sam's gonna kill me for saying that, but oh well. This theme song is just badass. That's all there is to it.
#12 - Duck Dales
Theme Song from Duck Tales
A classic show. I don't know what I would've done as a 7 year old if I hadn't been able to get my daily fix of fucked up talking ducks. Because god knows, that's what a child needs. Hey, come to think of it, I still need some fucked up talking ducks.
#11 - Miami Vice
Theme Song from Miami Vice
Good shit. I'm happy that I was exposed at a very early age to the world of prostitutes, drug dealers, really fast boats, chochy theme songs and pink suits. Because it truly enriched me as a human being.
#10 - Smurfs
Theme Song from The Smurfs
I would talk some more about how fucked up the Smurfs are in general, but it's been done so much that it's almost become cliche. But I mean come on. It's like an acid trip at age 7.
#9 - Inspector Gadget
Theme Song from Inspector Gadget
Dr. Claw is the scariest thing ever.
#8 - Punky Brewster
Theme Song from Punky Brewster
It's funny. Soleil Moon-Frye has grown up into one of the hottest girls I have ever seen in my entire life. This after that quality like 6th grade rumour that she was getting a breast reduction. The old guy in this show is just a total tool. "Oh, Punky. You silly little scoundrel you," he would often say. Ugh.
#7 - Mr Wizard
Theme Song from Mr. Wizard
Ah yes, Mr Wizard. The man who got little kids thinking of how to make homemade explosives at a very early age. The theme song isn't that badass on its own, but if you can think back and remember all the shit that was going on visually in the intro, it makes it better. IE birds flying around, test tubes floating in a river of acid, etc.
#6 - Charles in Charge
Theme Song from Charles in Charge
The lyrics to this song are just fucking scary. Examine:
CHARLES IN CHARGE, OF OUR DAYS AND OUR NIGHTS.
CHARLES IN CHARGE, OF OUR WRONGS AND OUR RIGHTS.
I WANT CHARLES IN CHARGE OF ME.
I WANT CHARLES IN CHARGE OF ME.
perhaps I make them scarier by capitalizing the words, but you know what i mean. It's totally submissive. While I was searching for a suitable pic to use for this site, I came across a russian fan page for Charles in Charge. Here's an actual excerpt:
"This page about TV show "Charles in charge" and actress Nicole Eggert. I consider "Charles in charge" is best comedy show. Jokes from this show, I often use in my real life. I saw "Charles in charge" on the channel STS in Russia."
awesome.
#5 - (Tie) You Can't do that on Television & 3-2-1 Contact
Theme Song from You Can't do that On Television
Theme Song from 3-2-1 Contact
I don't have much to say about 3-2-1 contact, other than that it was a solid show and I enjoyed the time I spent with it immensly. As far as YCDTOT, there are several things I should mention. First and foremost, that "Barth Burgers" are simply the most disgusting thing i have ever seen in my entire life. I also think I should mention that YCDTOT, upon further thought, seems like the absolute coolest show I watched as a child. And the theme song, my god.
#4 - (Tie) Doogie Howser, MD & Max Headroom
Theme Song from Max Headroom
Theme Song from Doogie Howser, MD
I lumped these two together for one reason: Both of their theme songs epitomize exactly what a theme song should be: totally chochy. Choch bass, Choch synthesiser, Choch drums & guitar. They've got it all. It's a vertiable choch-fest. Choch here, choch there, choch everywhere. Choch-city 2002.
Now as far as Max Headroom himself goes, he is more or less my idol. He symbolizes the 80's to me. When I think of the 80's, I think of Max Headroom coke commercials. He is also THE SCARIEST THING EVER.
#3 - Knight Rider
Theme from Knight Rider
Face it. There has never been, and never will be, a cooler show than Knight Rider. We're talking about a fucking talking Pontiac Firebird here. With a cool little LED light thingy in its grille. And we're talking David Hasslehoff in lots of leather outfits. And as for the theme song, it has never, and won't ever, lose its coolness.
#2 - The HBO Feature Presentation Theme
Theme from the HBO Feature Presentation Intro
It's hard for me to even comprehend the scope of this theme song. The first 20 or so seconds are garbage, until it kicks in. And when it kicks in, memories come flooding back. Memories of sitting in front of RJ Stanfields television and playing Baseball on his Intellivision, memories of seeing ferris buellers day off on HBO. If only I had the video to go with this theme, I would be in heaven. I mean half of you will have never heard this theme, or won't remember it, but the other half of you will truly appreciate this.
Note the program listing in the picture. It starts innocently enough with Lethal Weapon 3, but takes a typical "skinemax" turn for the better/worse @ 11:45 with "DEMONIC TOYS" lol.
And the winner is....
#1 - The Price is Right
Theme from the Price is Right
Hands down, no question about it. When I sat down to make this list, I already knew this was #1. I simply had to select the other 14. Special props to the quality synthesizer solo.