There are many unquestionable facts in this world. But there are only 3 unquestionably true things. And while there are many questionable things, there are simply only 5 TRULY questionable things. And here they are.

Questionable Things:

Questionable item #1: The service issued to Pablo and Sam at Wendy's drive-thru windows.



Smith and Maurer frequent the drive-thru at Wendy's quite often - and it was there that they were able to study not only the decline in the level of service at the speaker apparatus and also the window, but also study the increase in the length of time one could possibly spend waiting at a fast-food establishment.

Most notably, smith and maurer discovered an alarming, frightening trend. In high school they had been greeted with such warm accord and friendship, by an attendant saying "Welcome to Wendy's, may I take your order." However, this greeting became shorter and shorter. Words were dropped into the summer breeze, floating over west end and embedding themselves deep beneath the parthenon. On one summers eve, Sam and Pablo were nearly killed when the drive-thru attendant uttered the words "TRY COMBO!" It was incredible. It was as if the attendant had decided that "Welcome to Wendy's" was simply far too much effort and simply decided to utter a most vile command instead.



Questionable Item #2: Hide-A-Bed's and Pullout Sofas.



It is a well known fact that Pablo basically lived at Sam Smith's house his freshmen year in college. Faced with the brutal task of commuting between Memphis and Nashville every weekend to see his girlfriend at the time, Maurer fulfilled his obligations and completed this ridiculous activity.

Naturally, Smith did his best to accommodate his friend. This typically involved providing Pablo with access to his hideabed. And while Maurer forever appreciates the graciousness of the smith household in housing him during a time of relative homelessness, his back forever bears the mark of a steel rod, pressed into his spine. This is the true shortfalling of the hide-a-bed - the steel rod that mangles you. This steel rod, it is the definition of questionable. Maurer laid awake many a night, thinking to himself, "What on this godly planet did I do to deserve this cruel, cruel fate. How could this apparatus even begin to consider itself a bed? Hide-a-bed? More like Fucking-Shit-a-Bed!"


Questionable Item #3: Every middle school principal Pablo and Sam ever had.

Martha Thurmund- Although memories of her are blurry, she was unquestionably a bitch. She was simply a questionable human being in general. Her uptightness was legendary.
Joy Rotundi- Rotundi hit the peak of her questionability when she referred to Pablo as a "Weed in the USN garden." At first Maurer resented Rotundi for that statement. But, upon further examination, it is evident that truer words were never spoken.
Mike Walker- So creepy. The man would come up behind you, and simply lock down on your collarbone with his hand, to the point where you thought you were going to collapse. His conversational weapons also included close-talking and metaphor.


Questionable Item #4: Usage of the word "Boss"


Both uses of this word are apalling. whether one is being referred to as "boss" by another man or woman, or whether someone is shedding more light on a situation by describing something as "boss," one is surely always nauseated. The poor fashion stylings of Boss Jeans Co. only add to the great disdain one shoud always have for this word.


Questionable Item #5: Bad water pressure and bad bathroom sinks.


When one steps into their shower at there abode or wherever they are choosing to cleanse themselves, one typically anticipates a lively flow of water from the nozzle. There is nothing worse in this world than low water pressure. This is so important to me that I am breaking the third-person writing style here. I would rather suffer through a nuclear holocaust then be forced to shower in a lame-ass, limp flow of water.

Back to 3rd Person. Sam Smiths shower is legendary. It is comparable to standing DIRECTLY underneath niagra falls. The flow of water is so powerful, so great, that one is often thrown straight through the glass door into the shower. This is a fact - I have never made it past the halfway point on either of the two knobs that control the hot and cold water. I fear what is beyond the halfway point - I fear that it is something that is too great for my eyes to fathom. Or perhaps I just fear being mowed down by a massive, powerful stream of water.

Equally as important is the bathroom sink. Maurer's shower is full of power. But Pablo's sink is really where his bathroom excels. The stream of water that comes down from the nozzle is something to be seen. The beauty of this arc is really only comparable to one thing - Anna Kournikova. Between Maurer's sink and Smiths shower one could build a bathroom fit for God himself.



Unquestionable things:


Unquestionable thing #1:Velveeta Shells and Cheese.



Smith and Maurer have spent many a night brewing large batches of Shells and Cheese, preparing for a feast of the mind, body and soul, a veritable extravagganza of taste-related sensations, including mario kart 64 and perhaps a late night viewing of the howard stern show.

A key distinction should be made here between Shells and Cheese and its excellent counterpart "Kraft Macaroni and Cheese." While the Mac and Cheese maintains a very high level of tastefulness and enjoyability, it simply does not compare to the Shells. There has never been a more perfect combination - the shells are the perfect vehicle for the delivery of the cheese to the eater. They carry the cheese in their little pouch, like so many marsupials do. Only marsupials carry babies in their pouches.


Unquestionable thing #2:Mr Gattis & Foosball.



Any human being out there who denies the true power and glory of Mr. Gattis is simply living a massive lie. There is nothing greater in this world than that restaurant. While some of the items in the buffet may be sub-par, they are far outweighed by the other items - such as their fine Cheese Pizza and Apple Dessert Pizza. This author felt the need to capitalize these last two items, to stress their importance.

The food plays a key role in Gattis - but there are also other things which add to its mystique and aura. The totally shady appearance and location of the building give it an added air of mystery. But by far the finest part of the establishment is the foosball table. It is a place where Smith and Maurer have spent many hundreds of dollars and, less importantly, hundreds of hours. On one particular occasion, Smith and Maurer had over $4.00 in Gatti's tokens stolen by a 6-year-old boy. Smith became so angered that he killed the boy just to see him die. Afterwards he walked up to his sobbing parents and said "THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU CHALLENGE THE LORDS OF GATTIS."



Unquestionable thing #3:Dogs, a movie idea by Sam and Pablo.




In this feature film, Maurer and Smiths friendship is represented by two dogs, a golden retriever (Smith) and a German Shepard (Maurer.) Throughout the movie, the two dogs trot around the neighboorhood, and do normal, dog-like things. There is a lot of sniffing, and sitting around, with an ocassional shot of the dogs sleeping, adorably. This is not one of those talking animal movies. There is no dialouge. The Maurer dog, for example, would wake up in the morning and trot down to meet the Smith dog, for a long day of sniffing and sitting and laying around, and looking at female dogs.

This idea may sound very boring to you, but the movie really reaches its climax in the last scene. All of the sudden the movie shifts gears, and we cut to a shot of Maurer and Smith (the dogs) laying on beach chairs, wearing hawaiian shirts and sunglasses. As a climactic electronic score comes in, Smiths dog all of the sudden turns into a beam of light, and travels towards the heavens, where we eventually see a massive flash, and a new star is born. We cut to a shot of the Maurer dogs face, and he mutters the first and last words of the entire 3 and a half hour film: "You always wanted to be a star." Fin.