I'm talking about your latest invention, the "slurp n' gulp." Words cannot begin to describe the pleasure, the absolute exctasy that this multi-tiered beverage holder has brought to my life. I'm not sure, really what it is.
For those of you who have yet to experience this invention that I talk of, I'll break it down for you. Take a look at this first piece:
I realize that you are probably already frightened - and I was too, at first. The purpose of this upper section of the assembly is to house 22 ounces of slurpee - whether it be apple, cherry, or my personal favorite, frozen coke. This upper portion screws into a lower cup, like so:
The lower cup is then filled with 32 ounces of sheer beverage enjoyment. It can of course be the beverage of your choosing, anything from orange fanta to mr. pibb (availability varies.) Here is where we discover the true beauty of the Slurp N' Gulp. The surrounding outer beverage helps keep the slurpee in its pseudo-frozen state. A guy can really get used to that.
Some might say that this beverage holder, which holds a truly respectable 54 combined ounces of frenzied happiness, is quite simply, well, excessive. And while I agree that 54 ounces of anything, outside of a fine powdered cocaine, is excessive, I feel that it is the first step in the next generation of beverage consumption. Surely, at some point in the future, almost all beverages will be cross-format... Whether it be hot/cold, cold/frozen, warm/hot, warm/cold, warm/frozen, hot/frozen, or any other combination, this is certainly the next logical step.
Congratulations, 7-11, a guy could really get used to this.