10/26/2003: New installment posted!

wasted-off-butter proudly presents:
The Stephanie Tanner Project, part 1.5:
An international affair.
Enter


08/30/2003 The contest is over.
Congratulations go out to Adam Halford and Rafael Cevallos, our two winners. Also, I had to move a bunch of files around... if you're browsing around and images aren't loading, just hit refresh or shift + refresh and they'll show up.

08/28/2003 Three more wOb have been retired to the wOb Graveyard. So long to "The Many Expressions of Lagan Sebert," "September 11th, 2001: A nation Mourns Pablo's Personal Tragedy" and "My Collection of Porn IM's." Earning official menu bar nods are "The Double Dare Gallery," "Where Have you Gone, Avi Korine," and "Lost Beverages of the Late Eighties and Early Nineties." Speaking of that beverage area, it has been updated. A loyal wOb fan took it upon himself to fulfill our request and locate some pics of Mario Soda. The The Horrible Poetry Contest ends tommorow. Vote while you can. 

08/25/2003 Newly Updated: Artistic Renderings of Monsters, by Sam and Pablo. The voting for the poetry contest will run through Friday, at which point it will close and the prize money will be awarded.

08/18/2003 wOb presents The Horrible Poetry Contest. Enjoy. First place gets $9.38 and second place gets $0.62. Sam has contributed 3 new monsters to our monster archives, the first additions in like 4 months or something. I'll throw those up later tonight. For now, happy voting. Peace.

08/11/03 You've got until 11:30PM tonight, when I get home from school, to submit a poem. Man, do I ever have some classics.

08/05/03 Wasted off Butter presents.... The first annual horrible poetry contest.
Here's how it works. Write the worst goddamn poem you can possibly concieve. Maximum of 20 lines, any style is accepted. Email your submission here. Be sure and include your name/city/state. Deadline is this Saturday, August 9th, @ 12:00PM. After all submissions have been recieved, I will post them on the website, and have an online poll to determine the winner. Winner gets.... $9.38 in cash. That's an actual prize. I'll send you it. For reals. Now get started.

08/05/03
New content coming shortly.

07/30/03
Sam, Pablo & Steven present: Lost Beverages of the Late Eighties and Early Nineties. More new content coming later tonight.

07/02/03 It's finally over,
the STP has been shelved indefinetly. Enjoy the rest of the site, and stay tuned for future contributions from James. The message board is still accessible by clicking the STP icon on the bottom menu.

06/26/03
Enjoy: Von Von Von: The Definitive wOb piece.

06/25/03
Finally, some new content. Pablo is Raped in a Culinary Manner at Subway.  

06/24/03 Sorry about the downtime. My host was having server issues, apparently.
Well, the STP seems to be winding down, if it's not already wound down completely... Which means it's time to start pumping in more traditional wOb style content. Tomorrow night will bring about what many of you have been waiting for: Von Von Von: The Definitive wOb Interview. In the future, I've got several other areas planned, which I'll throw up on a preview page later on. In the meantime, just reflect on the time we all spent with Randy, and what's to come. Peace.

06/21/03, The t-shirts are now unavailable. Thanks to the 97 people who ended up purchasing one. Wasted-off-Butter garb is still available.


06/05/03
New Randy content available. I'm back from Nashville. A great visit, albeit a weird one. Lots of different weird things. But all in all an extremely solid visit. I'll have another wOb area up for you folks later this week. For now, enjoy the STP.

NEWS FLASH: STP T-SHIRTS ARE NOW AVAILABLE, ALONG WITH SEVERAL OTHER GOODS. CHECK 'EM OUT AND ORDER ONLINE RIGHT HERE

05/28/03 

Alright, ladies and gents. I'm off to Nashville until Sunday night. For those of you privileged to know my cell phone number, feel free to call me, we'll hook up and chill. And of course, I've left you all with one last Randy update to tie you over until my return. James will keep you entertained on the message board. Adios.


05/16/03
Sad news, wob-goers. Robert Stack died yesterday. I think it's only a proper tribute for all of us to revisit The Scariest Thing Ever, one of the original 7 wOb pages. Fare thee well, Robert Stack. We barely knew thee. *tear*

05/15/03
New table scraps available. Be sure and note the decline in Randalls tone of voice through the three messages. Clearly we're witnessing a decline here.

05/15/03
I promise I will update the table scraps later tonight (Thursday.) 
I received a message from Randy tonight where he just sounded..... like a wreck. You'll enjoy it. 

05/12/03
Big news folks. Big news. BE WARNED. Also, See what's Coming Soon.

05/11/03 My friend Garret Westlake Gets Jiggy..

05/07/03 Randy's latest voicemails are available in "Table Scraps," accessible by following the link on the Main STP page. 

05/03/03
See what's Coming Soon.
More new content. Andrew has contributed his analysis of Lil Markie's work. I've enclosed several MP3's for your listening pleasure. If you're not familiar with Lil' Markie's body of work, I URGE YOU to check it out. He's a ultra-christian, psycho guy who sings in a childlike voice about various things. I mean, this shit is *seriously* fucked up. Check it out Right Here

05/01/03 THIS IS HARDCORE. DO YOU FEEL MY JOY? Alright.
Here's an interesting suggestion. All girls that are viewing this, send me a pic of your boobs. Your pictures will be evaluated by me, and perhaps a few other close wasted-off-butter associates, and you will be given a thorough, three paragraph written analysis, within 36-48 hours. This is a contest of sorts, which will be running for the next 2 weeks. The prize, I guarantee, will be VERY LARGE. I shit you not. (i'm really not kidding...) And *every* participant will recieve a small wob gift. Send your pictures here. 

04/30/03
It's all over folks. James and I have called it quits. But PLEASE check out the last 2 installments! Ha.

04/29/03
Holy.....fucking....shit. Check out the latest voicemails, ALONG WITH THE FIRST PHONE CONVERSATION BETWEEN JODIE AND RANDY. The Stephanie Tanner Project message board is also now online.

04/28/03
There's been a relative lull in action. I don't really know what the deal is... I fear young Randall may have wised up, but at the same time that's just not very realistic... Maybe he's on some extra-long road trip, or something. We'll have to wait and see. In the meantime, enjoy all of his old emails, along with Jodie and Jeff's new voicemail messages. The Stephanie Tanner Project message board is also now online.

04/21/03 OH MY GOD, WHEN WILL THIS ALL END.  Two new wasted-off-butter cohorts join the mix - which means two new phone voices. The big step has been taken, and Randy was called not once, but twice last night. The Stephanie Tanner Project message board is also now online.

04/18/03 More new Randy mail, and a long-awaited response from Jodie. The Jodie Sweetin Project message board is also now online (click the link at the bottom of the main page.) Finally, a place where you can bash James and I for this, or praise us just the same. Or, offer suggestions for the area/what Jodie's next move should be. Enjoy.

04/09/03
What can I fucking say. This Stephanie Tanner project shit just keeps getting more and more ridiculous. Randy has responded not once, but twice more. For those of you who haven't examined this area of wOb yet, I strongly suggest you do so. I would explain what it is, but it is better explained by James, its brain child. Check it out here: ENTER The Stephanie Tanner Project

Let's see. What else. I've retired several more areas, which are of course available in the WOB graveyard, accessible by clicking the link down there at the bottom. Goodbye mario kart phone, pics of the scary statue in my neighborhood, and rafs drunken messages, we hardly knew ye. I'm also going to be throwing up a photo gallery from Nate and Garret's visit here in the next day or so..... But for now, please please just enjoy the Stephanie Tanner project. My god, Randy. God.

The 
Dream Journal is up and running. I'll update it every morning, if dreams do indeed occur. 
The picture of Jerry Springer and I is also still available here. peace.

Did you know that you can access all of the old front page entries by clicking on 'old shit' right below this text? Yes, you can relive those favorite wasted-off-butter moments, dating back to august of 2002. enjoy.


04/03/03
Out of nowhere, a brilliant feature has been added to wOb. Former Nashville resident James Nelson, formerly of Silent Friction fame, apparently now spends his days embarking in endeavors of wasted-off-butterlike proportions.

Tonight, he offers us his first feature, which I have coded and put into web form. You see, James did something wonderful. He went to a Jodie Sweetin message board, (Jodie Sweetin, the actress who played 'Stephanie Tanner' on tv's "Full House"), and picked out an unsuspecting 19 year old male fan of Jodies. What James proceeded to do was create a yahoo mail account, and email this kid - funny enough as is. But, to make matters only more amazing, James posed as Jodie Sweetin. Our friend Randy has now become quite smitten with this cyber-sweetin, and what you'll find in wOb's latest area is an archive of the emails to date. And yes, this is an ongoing operation. So you'll have to check back often for Randy and "Jodie's" latest contributions.

And yes, the emails are real. Randy is a real person. Efforts are underway to obtain a picture of him. 

ENTER The Stephanie Tanner Project


03/31/03 Springer - Oh my god, Springer. It was beautiful, people. Me and a fellow audience member were nearly assaulted by a guest on the show - I will most certainly be featured in several shots on the show. Here are the goods:



The Dream Journal is up and running. I'll update it every morning, if dreams do indeed occur.


03/30/03 Tomorrow morning I'm going to re-start my online dream journal, hosted on this site. I've been meaning to do it for a while - I've been writing in one privately for like 2 years now, and I'd been meaning to type it up, index it and throw it online, but I think just starting from scratch on the site would be a better idea. Truth be told, I feel inspired to do this due to some particularly intense, real dreams I had the past couple of days. I think being drunk does that to me, for some reason... I always have very very strange dreams after I drink. In particular, I had a dream about someone who I really don't think about much anymore, and when I do think about that person, I tend to try and shove it out of my mind. If you know me well at all, you know who I'm talking about. I woke up, and I started to write it down, but then I realized that I was still drunk. Awesome.

In more important news, TOMORROW, MONDAY, IS SPRINGER. I will be taking a camera, in hopes of getting a picture with the man himself (i'm also willing to accept a photo with Steve.) I'm going with my friends sam & josue (josue is a belligerant, rowdy mexican.) I also have a large, large number of pictures taken from this past weekend w/Nate and Garret. I'll have to post those as well - although I must warn you, there are several where I am wandering the streets of downtown Chicago drunk, and pantless. Don't worry. There's underwear involved. But still uncalled for.

I'd had *a lot* on my mind the past week or two. Way too much for my own good, stuff I really shouldn't be thinking about anymore. I'm extremely happy that I got that visit from Nate and G. It was much, much needed, and was everything I had anticipated. Goodnight.


03/21/03
Finally, some new content: Rafael Cevallos, noted drunkard and drunk message leaver. Enjoy that, my friends. The Jambon MP3's can still be accessed in "Old Shit."

 

what the hell are you looking at. good day to you.

03/20/03
The Jambon Mp3's can still be accessed by clicking on "Old Shit" at the bottom of this page. I'm sorry I haven't updated, my life has now become consumed by watching hours of CNN, working, and schooling. I do have a new area, coming later tonight. Raf's steady stream of drunken voicemail messages has caused me to throw them all into an area and write a bit of analysis on them. Those will be up later. Take care.

LISTEN TO RAF'S DRUNKEN PHONE MESSAGE #1


03/15/03
Ok. I've got those Jambon MP3's for you guys: 

Wind Chimes 
The Train Wreck
 
Clock Song
 
Deja Vu
 
Keys

enjoy. hopefully a drunken message from raf later.


03/14/03
alrighty then. i'm finally going to get around to posting some new content. coming later tonight: four mp3's from the jambon ep - if you don't know what i'm talking about, i'm not surprised. This is for me, sam, raf and several other people. jambon was a band that was a vital part of our late middle school/early high school musicology.

More importantly, Raf has promised several drunken messages tonight. He's in Boulder, kickin it with my friend Cat. The result, possibly, could be another spectacular drunken message, as good or better than his last one. We'll have to wait til later to find out.


03/10/03
I unearthed some long lost photos tonight, out of boredom. Among them is this gem of a senior picture from Hillsboro that shows the four most questionable, obscene people of all times. Lagan, David, Pabs and Matt B. Totally questionable.



Also updated is the History of my Life Through ID Pictures section! I've discovered some true relics. Including the *very* first ID I ever had. I'm fairly certain of this. Sharpie and Dan, you'll both appreciate this one..... More to come soon.


03/07/03
Terribly sorry for the lack of updates. I've been extremely busy with work, school, and assorted other shit. I'll try and update on a more regular basis.... I've got some new stuff coming up this month... Dan/Nate are coming up to visit, which will surely provide the website with something interesting (trust me, it will.) 

Have you guys heard rafs drunken phone message to me? If you haven't, you've really gotta listen to it. It's really something else. My friend Brynne had this to say about it: "This makes me think he's not human." Couldn't have said it better myself. Peace out.


03/02/03 tyson.



02/24/03
Has anyone else heard this shit? Enrique Iglesias Lip-Synching Clip. to hear what is apparently a sound clip of Enrique Iglesias lip-synching to one of his songs at a concert in Germany. It was taken by a sound engineer from the mic that I guess he sings into while lip-synching.... This is some seriously funny shit. Apparently this is old news but I'd never heard it and I'm sure a lot of you guys haven' yet either.... 

02/22/03
After a long lapse, I am back. I needed a week or two off to completely focus on school & work. I don't know what the deal was. I ended up going out every night @ 2am and taking lots of pictures (some of which I've posted the past couple of days...) I've been in an uber-pensive mood recently... I miss Sam, I miss my old USN & Hillsboro friends, I miss my brother.... I think a lot of this might have to do with all of the shit that happened with Mary... It didn't hit me at first but it has recently started to sink and and really fuck with me...

Oh yeah, I'm only allowed to be funny on this website. Onwards.

I'm going to provide you guys with some new content in the upcoming days. For now, examine PICTURES OF THE REALLY FUCKED UP STATUE IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD. It's a follow up to a long-retired wOb piece, "My Theory about the Fucked up Statue", which can be found in the graveyard. Also I want to be sure everyone takes note of
MY SUPER MARIO KART PHONE, which I naturally take a lot of pride in. I take almost as much pride in that phone as I do my ultra-handsome appearance.


2/13/2003
1:32 - driving down harlem ave.




2/12/2003
12:19am - getting ready to go out.





2/11/2003
1:32am - on the grant park bridge.






2/10/2003
2:32 am - standing on a frozen lake michigan.






2/5/2003
Sam has contributed more content from overseas. Part two of Sam and Pablo's Thoughts On.... is up and running.

2/2/2003
I've done some housecleaning, retiring 5 more areas - moving them to the WOB GRAVEYARD. This includes the Bill & Ted area, one of the WOB originals. Sadness. Anyways, I had to make room for 4 new icons: Analysis of Pablo Maurer's Rio Bravo Secret Shopper, The Recently Recovered Love Letters of Vince Van Gogh (by my brother Danny Maurer), Pablo.... It Hurts.... You will never see Spain again... (Steven Davis and I's account of my middle school years) and Steven's short film about said middle school years: Click here to see that. (if you have realplayer). Welcome to the family. Retired away were: The Bill and Ted Page, Video of Tyler Cameron Blowing a Fireball, What I Believe to be True About the Fucked Up Statue in my Neighborhood, Sam and  I's Panoramic Shots from Spain, and lastly the 'What Does it Mean to be Wasted-off-Butter?' page. Like I said, those features (along with plenty of other old-school wOb features) can be accessed by going to the WOB graveyard. 

2/1/2003 More new stuff. Please examine: Analysis of Pablo Maurer's Rio Bravo Secret Shopper. Further proof of my bitterness. 

1/30/2003
My middle school turmoil has been documented surrealy in a short film by wOb co-worker Steven Davis. You have to have RealPlayer installed to view it - if you don't, go to real.com and download it.
Video Feeds: 56k modem   Cable Modem, College Network, DSL/ISDN, etc.


1/27/2003
Brand new, quality content. Steven Davis and I have teamed up to bring you a graphic account of my middle-school misery, complete with pictures and what not. Check it out: Pablo.... It Hurts.... You will never see Spain again...  

1/23/2002 It's been a while since my last update. Steven and I are preparing something for you, though. Beware.

1/16/2003 - While cleaning up my room, I stumbled upon these photographs of Memphis my brother Danny took while visiting me during my freshman year there. Special attention should be paid to the pictures of the Sears building (repeatedly referred to and described in detal in the David, Pablo & Lagan infiltrate the Sears Building area. Also check out my use of a mis-aligned payphone. More new content soon.

1/15/2003 1 YEAR of WOB - Today marks the one-year anniversary of the formation of Wasted-off-Butter. Seems like it's been a lot longer. Oh well. A small update - I've added a new ID to the History of my life through ID pictures section. I'm sure you'll enjoy that.  Bespina is back from his holiday vacations and ready once again for action. Also Sam and I have added 2 more monsters to the Monster Archives  - I feel they are his finest work to date, and are his last contribution on this continent - he left yesterday to study in Venice for the semester... I miss the guy already... Ok so anyways I promise to try and keep up the continual updates, even if they're small. My schedule is insane nowadays....

1/13/2003
Bespina is back from his holiday vacations and ready once again for action. Also Sam and I have added 2 more monsters to the archives - I feel they are his finest work to date.

1/12/2003 I've collected all of the old items from WOB, including some recently retired ones, and thrown them in a new area, the Boneyardz. Note the spelling with a Z there. I rule. Anyways, there you'll find some long lost WOB classics, such as the 'warp pablo's face' option. I've recieved some emails requesting its reinstatement, so now it can be accessed there. Also check out my long-lost week-long dream journal, the amazing girls section, and several other areas. 

Anyways. I'm very very tired, and I have work in about 8 hours so I'm going to bed... I will mention briefely that Sam, just one day before departing for Italy, has created 2 more monsters - and I believe them to be his finest work to date. I'll post them tommorow. Oh, and christ did anyone see the game today? Good shit, man. Go Titans.



bespina, 1/11/2003, 2:32 AM

1/9/2003 Nothing much new. Yesterday morning, while shaving, I cut my earlobe. Now I know this is disgusting and you're probably asking "why did you even mention that?" I was just amazed at the sheer quanity of blood and length of bleeding that this relatively minor nick produced. It was absurd. 45 minutes later, when I arrived @ work, I was still bleeding. I also concluded yesterday that I would like to start speaking in a stereotypical native american tone, at all times possible. Here's an example. Upon waking up, and going upstairs, I might see my father. To my father I would say: "Chief Pablo big like ox. He flies high like bird. Soaring bird know no friends." I would say all of this while moving my arm in a tomahawk like fashion. 

The weather here is ridiculous. It was 56 degrees today. I had the top down in the jeep all day. Of course the day after tomorrow it's supposed to be 7 degrees, but hey. I'll enjoy it while it lasts. Check out the Gatti's monument if you haven't already done so, and of course also Sam and I's latest monster drawings. Peace out. New content soon, I promise.

1/6/2003
Part 4 of the Nashville monument series: The Mr. Gattis Monument. Enjoy. More coming soon.

*NEW*
Click right here to see full video of Tyler Cameron blowing a fireball on New Years Eve.
*
NEW* 3 new monsters added to Sam and Pablo's Monster Archives.

12/26/2002 I've got the site completely redisigned. It works much the same way, just press the buttons along the top and bottom rows to enter the various areas of WOB. This is more than likely my last update before I head off to nashville. I'm actually thinking of leaving a day early, but I'm not sure, we'll see. I need to take into account my cashflow situation. 

For those of you who don't know, I'll be in Nashville from the 29th or 28th to January 1st. My cell phone, which I will have the entire time, can be reached @ 708-420-5281. Please please please call me, even if I don't call you. I don't have a lot of your phone numbers, keep that in mind. 

I don't know what came over me tonight. I went out to the jeep, got in, put the top down, went out to the forest preserve in Aurora and just started doing donuts and shit. I guess it was all in the holiday spirit. I sure did get some funny looks, but oh well. I'm just insane i suppose. 



12/20/2002 So for those of you who don't know, on top of being your regular old college student, I also go 4 nights a week to a different school to get my mechanics certification. Last night, in class, I became very bored for some reason. I cured this boredom by warping everything my professor said... For example, in my mind, our conversation about "seals" (as in a sealant, or something that's used to seal off a particular area of a car) became much more entertaining when I, in my head, pretended we were talking about "seals" (the animal.) Needless to say the idea of tools called "seal drivers" "seal pullers" & "seal warpers" became pretty funny, or the description about driving said "seal puller" into the upper layer of the seal, then pulling the seal out of its place.

Also entertaining was warping that conversation so we were talking about noted R&B artist Seal. Anyways. No new content. Just thought I'd share. I'll update soon.

12/15/2002
More new content. Pablo Maurer and Jay-Z: The Same Person. By Christine Rogers. Special thanks to Tina for the content. 

12/12/2002
I've uploaded another section, with the help of my friend Keith Lowen. Dear Sam: Keith and I think these pics of you are pretty gay. Thank You. In other news, all of the latest contributions, Including both of the USN Yearbook Pic essays, and the latest installment in my "culinary rape" series, are available to your left in the menu bar, above and under Bespina. More content to come soon. Hasta Lluego.

12/11/2002 I have nothing new to offer you. But Keith Lowen does! Visit his site right here to check out his latest feature, a weekly recap of everyone's online diaries. Funny shit. Props to Keith for doing something I was way too lazy to do. Anyways, peace out.

12/04/2002
A true crowning achievement: The Greatest USN Yearbook Picture Ever, with commentary by Sam Smith and Pablo Maurer. Also available is The Second Greatest USN Yearbook Picture Ever, with commentary by Pablo Maurer and David Lafevor. And don't forget about the latest addition: Ask My 6th Grade Social Studies teacher, Pat Malone, any question you'd like. Enjoy, folks. 

added on 12/5/2002, 10:39AM: I had a dream last night, where Pat Malone came to my imaginary house an confronted me. She came wielding one of my old Math Notebooks and an oldschool 6th grade "applied mathematics" book. She said that she was going to have my middle school diploma overturned. She made no mention of this website but I am sure she was mad because she had seen my feature on her. I woke up, utterly terrified.

12/02/2002 Part 2 in the culinary rape series: Pablo Maurer is raped in a culinary manner at Taco Bell. Brutal.

12/01/2002
Part 2 of the culinary rape series: Pablo is raped in a culinary manner at Taco Bell.

12/04/2002 Coming later tonight: An in-depth analysis by Pablo Maurer, Sam Smith and David Lafevor of the 2 greatest USN yearbook pictures ever.

11/25/2002
I saw Guns N' Roses last night. I had great, great seats, and during the last song (Paradise City) I ran all the way up to the front, front row, and was literally 10 feet away from Axl Rose. Insanity. It was all really fun, aside from having to drive 6 hours home from cleveland at 1am. But well worth it.



Update coming late tonight. Thanks for hanging around with me even though I haven't done any new material in a week.


11/19/2002
It's time for a very rare online-diary style update from the homestead. A lot has been on my mind lately... I don't really know how to write about it. I've just been frustrated with some things and have been making some major decisions. About 2 weeks ago I was laying under my jeep on some random night in the garage, and thinking to myself "there needs to be a way that I can work on cars and get paid to do it." Working on my car and/or my parents car has always been one of the only truly enjoyable things I do. So I decided to enroll in a mechanic's school. It's a 13 month program, 24 hours a week. I'll still be in school during the time, and I'll still have my job, so my plate is going to be extra full.

Sam just left. As usual we had a great time, just chilling out and talking, playing video games, etc etc. I was talking to him about how I've recently started to feel a little stupid for the way I've been acting around women as of late... After all of the stuff with my last girlfriend, which I never talk about, and won't, I've been going  through this anti-relationship backlash where all I've really done is just hooked up with a lot of people and not bothered to start anything even vaguely resembling a relationship. Now I'm starting to get sick of that. Don't get me wrong. Hooking up, just doing stupid, random shit and keeping things more or less strictly physical is great, for what it's worth. It let's you have a lot of fun and not get attached at all. It just gets old after a while. Maybe I'm ready for something else. I think maybe I'm just ready to be alone for a while, and not even hook up with anyone at all. 

My parents are talking about moving again, and soon. This time they'd be going down to Mississippi. For those of you who don't know, we've got a house down there & my parents have an extended network of friends and colleagues in a small town down there (Ocean Springs.) I think it would actually be benificial to both of them  It's just fucked up to think about my parents moving away.... When they moved from Nashville to Chicago, I thought it was great, and in the back of my mind knew I would end up here some day, or at least visit frequently. But I just can't see myself ever living in Ocean Springs, Mississippi. I like where I am right now. So I guess I'll end up on my own again, which is for the better I suppose......

My brother and his girlfriend are arriving here on Saturday. I've never met her, and I'm looking forward to getting to know her... I never met his last girlfriend until they were basically almost broken up. I'm obviously also looking forward to jeeping on over to Cleveland with them to see GNR. I'm hoping it will produce some 6th grade style nostalgia.  To those of you who've read this whole rant, thanks for giving 2 shits. I guess I need to share once every 6 months. So the next update you'll get from me as far as my life will be in march or so...... New content coming soon....


11/11/2002
I have today (Monday) and tommorow off from work. The first days off in a good while. I look forward to sleeping a lot, and drinking a lot, perhaps doing a bit of carousing (if you will,) and working a tad more on this website. For the time being, just entertain yourself with all of the goods over there in the left hand column. Oh, wait, I have midterms to study for. So yeah I'll be doing that too, hopefully not drunk, but I can't make any promises.

The other thing I'll be doing at some point is replacing all of the MP3's that rotate around everytime you visit, so that you'll have 30 fresh new songs to listen to while you browse.


11/07/02 
Alright. It's been far too long since I've updated the site. I've got 2 new features. First off, check out Sam and I's artistic renderings of monsters. I truly think you'll enjoy that. Secondly, I've assembled A collection of porn instant messages that were sent to me, and my responses. Also quite enjoyable. Honestly, I completed 3 new additions, but was persuaded by a good friend to not throw the 3rd one online. Although I have a feeling that it will make an appearance somewhere on down the line. I'll upload some more material a little later on. Peace.


11/01/02
It's been quite a while since I've updated, and I apologize for that. Tonight, at work @ the bar, some stupid, drunk middle aged woman asked, (after seeing my size 14 feet,) "is it true what they say about guys with big feet?" I, being a stupid, "i care only about my tip" bartender, replied "what do you think?" and she then quipped back "we'll just have to find out."

So I responded "no, we won't! and I'm cutting you off!" and she giggled in her obnoxious, ugly middle-aged "I wish i was 22 again" voice, and then i seriously cut her off. I HATE MIDDLE AGED WOMEN (except, of course, for my mom.) I am sorry, if I had to pick one group of people I would never wait on again in my entire life, it would be middle-aged women. I hate pandering to them, carding them just to flatter them, laughing at their obnoxious and stupid jokes, watching them dance like complete idiots. They all need to just go away and die.

Anyways. I've moved four more features over to the menu bar on the left. You can still access the storybook of Lagan, David and I's train hopping journey by clicking on lagans dirty face. And my 8 easy steps to being a prime ladies man are still at your disposal. Also you can take a look at the history of my life as told through ID pictures, a long lost section of the site which I've re-posted.

I want to quickly point out that this website is most certainly intended to be view in 1024x768 with internet explorer. If you're in 800x600 or lower you probably think my page is really ugly, but that's just because you're not in a high enough resolution. And if you're in netscape you can't hear any of the fabulous music or sound clips that i've amassed on the page. Unfortunate.

10/20/2002 Click Here for Pablo Maurer's 8 easy steps to being a ladies man. I've got time for a quick update here. It's 11:45AM, I just returned from NYC and am now packing for the memphis trip. In case you're totally ignorant or a first-time visitor, David, Lagan and I will spend the next 2 or 3 days freigh-train hopping accross the southeastern United States. NYC was great, I saw a lot of great people (My brother, Sam, Jen, Dawson, Priya, John B,) didn't get to see a couple of people I would've liked to have seen but oh well. I'll catch them next time. Expect a large, large update with tons of pics upon my return guys. Say a prayer for me. hahahaha

-pabs

10/17/2002 Click Here for Pablo Maurer's 8 easy steps to being a ladies man. Let the fun begin. I'm out of here. First stop: New York City. I'll be there through Sunday morning. Give me a call if you're in the area - 708-420-5281 (cell.) I've got tons of stuff planned to do there but I've always got time to see one more person. I'm very much looking forward to spending time with Sam and of course Danny, my brother.

But that is just the beginning. Of course there will be pictures, stories from NYC, but I don't think it will compare to the second half of my journey, which starts Sunday night and ends three days later. I'll spend those 3 days freight-train hopping with David and Lagan through the southeast. Hopefully we'll end up in Florida, on a beach somewhere. The three of us realize the stupidity that is involved in doing this. But if we let our common sense get in the way we would have never scaled any buildings and we would never have stolen any fast-food idols.

The supply list is fairly short for the trip. David points out that we should go carrying only things that were around in the year 1928. I recieved an email from Lagan that pretty much sums it up:

"I'll buy the T-dub, and straw hats, and broomstick guitar, and maybe even provide the washboard,
Don't wory I already have a harmonica"

And now a selection from David and I's IM conversation this morning:

Pabs123: so we need to remember that
Pabs123: either travel on open-air cars or leave a crack in the door
feevit40: the type that I plan to inhabit is opent the whole time
Pabs123: true - flatbed style, no?
feevit40: that is a possibilty,but I am refering to the ones that are boxcars but are empty and open doors on each side to allow for flexible escape routes
Pabs123: the other thing though,
Pabs123: those are the cars that are awaiting cargo further down the line, someone else told me
feevit40: that is why we must be crafty in our anticipation and evasion
Pabs123: our persuasion as well. and education.
feevit40: yes yes
feevit40: cafeine is pulsing through my veins
Pabs123: ha. the next time i talk to you, it will be in your home, as we prepare a pre-celebratory casserole and drink bottles of red wine.
feevit40: when exactly should I expect your arrival
Pabs123: punctually, 9 or 10pm.
feevit40: the casserole is being concieved in my mind, it will gestate for a few days before the joyous birth
Pabs123: the casserole,
Pabs123: i want to stress something here
Pabs123: may i stress it?
feevit40: begin stressing
Pabs123: i would like for it to contain far more cheese than the previous casserole. i felt said casseroles main fault was the lack of cheese. the cheese would also give it a more thick consistency.
feevit40: I am in agreement with your cheesist sentiments, I would also add in the way of a thicker consistency a modicum of bread crums or egg yokes to give it strength.
Pabs123: true, very true. also, perhaps a tomato-paste base of some sort to add further strength and consistency.
feevit40: agreed--codified as artcle 17C in Seccion 4.
Pabs123: movement 3a is agreed upon. next order of buisiness please.
feevit40: I have given it some thought and upon in depth review i think that we must remain an acceptable level of sobriety until the train starts its movement
Pabs123: i agree fairly wholeheartedly.
feevit40: in case of a necessay flight to avoid the "bulls"
Pabs123: true - also i feel that our greatest risk of arrest is at the very start of all of this debauchery, and so i do not feel it necessary to add the charge "public intoxication" to my library of charges.
feevit40: I have an idea in need of elucidation
Pabs123: eludicate.
feevit40: may I elucidate?
Pabs123: please do.
feevit40: very well
feevit40: Each of us must come up with a book of his own particular liking that will be brought, passages read out loud etc, in addition, the title of this book must not be know to the other members of the quenst in advance.
Pabs123: agreed.--codified as article 17D in Section 5.
Pabs123: movement 3b is agreed upon. next order of buisiness please.
Pabs123: i wish to raise a concern and issue
feevit40: begin levatation
Pabs123: i feel that the possibility of lagan sebert playing harmonica for 3 days is something that should be addressed.
Pabs123: a scary possibility it is.
feevit40: yes I have taken this concern into account and find the possiblity particulary abhorrant
Pabs123: i desire a response.
Pabs123: oh whoops
Pabs123: theres your response
Pabs123: my god david,
Pabs123: a bolt of lightning has struck my brain-
Pabs123: may i elaborate on said bolt?
feevit40: convey the stricking
Pabs123: you and i must rekindle the spirit of paper football, in one of the boxcars.
feevit40: TRUE GENIUS
Pabs123: we will draw a field, using one piece of white chalk.
Pabs123: your team name will be "the abhorrants." mine will be "the jolly fellows." lagans team will be "the 
CENSORED
CENSORED
CENSORED
feevit40: is that an addition to the supply list?
Pabs123: fare thee well, david lafevor. but quickly, let me lay out our revised, full supply list.
feevit40: lay
Pabs123: i feel that it is necessary for you and lagan to acquire said items:
Pabs123: (2) 1.5 liter bottles of TW Samuels whiskey.
feevit40: check
Pabs123: (3) straw hats.
feevit40: working on that
feevit40: and I will drag them behind my car for a few days before departure
Pabs123: (3) knives.
Pabs123: absolutely
feevit40: check
Pabs123: (1) change of clothing each.
Pabs123: (1) roll of toilet paper.
feevit40: make that 2 rolls
Pabs123: (1) piece of chalk.
Pabs123: i feel this completes the list.
feevit40: list codified
Pabs123: amended to article 12, section 21.
feevit40: see you soon comrade.
Pabs123: fare thee well, David Lafevor.


I need to convince lagan that harmonicas did not exist in 1928. I am not eagerly anticipating listening to the harmonica stylings of Mr. Sebert for 3 days. Anyways, I'll see you guys in a week.

10/12/2002 Hi everyone. Nothing new. A large update upcoming later on tonight, after work. I have a MASSIVE headache. And I've had some totally fucked up dreams the past couple of nights. I don't know what's going on with me.

10/09/2002
Ah yes and now I have problems with the jeep. I suppose I knew it would only be a matter of time before something went wrong with it. It seems that I can never have a car that isn't a total POS. So what if its cool, it gets girls, (albeit stupid girls,) it's fun to ride around in, etc, I JUST WANT IT to run right.

Well anyways. I'm still pluggin along at Rio Bravo. Do you feel my pain? I think after following that link you will perhaps feel a tad worse about the world in general. Just countin the days til I go to NYC and Memphis....


10/2/02 A sudden bust of productivity has hit me, I guess. Actually it's just that i had my day off. Anyways, David and I's description of September 21st, 2002, one of the greatest nights in all mankind, is now online. If you follow that link you will find pictures, literal accounts and even a typical voice-guided slideshow of the events of that evening. You can still access part 2 of the slideshow from Sam and I's Spain trip this past summer... And part 1 is also available in case you haven't seen that yet. Good stuff.

In other news, I have a fucking terrible cold. I'm all doped up on NyQuil right now, which is making my head spin. Survivor: Africa contestant Ethan Zohn payed the site another visit last night. I got in touch with Ethan a few months back, during the world cup, through his charity organization, Grassrootssoccer.org. It's a tad surreal that I've now officially gotten some hits from a Survivor contestant - no, fuck that, a survivor WINNER... Anyways. Off to sleep now. More to come tommorow....

09/26/02 Well let's see... What's new. I'm starting to get extremely excited about 2 things. #1, my brother Danny and I just purchased tickets to see Guns n' Roses in Boston in December. The plan is more to buy tickets to drive from Chicago to see them in Cleveland, OH around Thanksgiving when he's visiting home anyways, and then sell those Boston tix. Anyways while I am (and always have been) slightly perturbed by the lack of Slash and the other members of GnR, I'm still ridiculously excited at the prospect of seeing them perform.

Secondly, I'll be in NYC from the 17th of October through the 20th. It gives Sam and I an opportunity to see Underworld, probably the only one of my favorite bands I've never seen. I haven't seen them because they've never really come to the US, so I'm psyched about that as well... I'm also just excited to be in New York City in general.

Thanks for checking back, new content coming soon....

09/26/02 What an interesting, weird day. I worked another shift @ Rio this morning... I think that will become a semi-regular gig now, at least until I find another permanent job. I don't know of another job that is so flexible with my school, my social schedule, and my spontaneous trips out of town. Besides its not that bad. I'm pretty much the most experienced person there, and I'm being given the best shifts to boot... So it could definetly be worse.

But anyways. I've been extremely busy, and when you combine that with the fact that my computer is a total P.O.S., you get the end result of me not having done anything new for the site in 3 days. Thanks for checking back everyday. I'll throw something up here tommorow... wait, didn't I say that yesterday?

09/25/02 Ooookay so the World Funniest Fucking Thing, Ever, By Far, that I uploaded earlier this week was incomplete. It's nine minutes long, and I only uploaded about 4 minutes of it. So it's compelte now, and good lord you've missed quite a bit if you got the incomplete version. So download it again.

I've gotten a good 10 emails in two days asking me when David and I's tour will be up and running. This includes one email from "Yoshu" at Honda Motor Corporation in Los Angeles, CA. What the fuck. Who the hell are you? IDENTIFY YOURSELF. Anyways. It will be up Thursday night, promise. Anyways. peace out.

09/23/02 OH MY GOD, THIS IS THE FUNNIEST FUCKING SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, I CANNOT BELIEVE I FOUND THIS ONLINE. YOU HAVE TO WATCH THIS IMMEDIATELY, YOU WILL DIE LAUGHING LOOOOOOOOL.... It might take a while to load, but for the love of god, it is COMPLETELY worth it. Peace out.

09/22/02God I'm like still hungover from Friday night. I mean I have no idea how much alcohol I ingested. All I know is the next day Dave and I were cleaning the house and there were 4 or 5 empty bottles of hard liquor on the floor. And so for this reason I lack the energy to write anything significant, or code that guided tour that I've promised you. That, I will do tommorow my friends. As for what I'm going to do right now, well, I'm going to sleep. Here's another pick to tie you over. Good night....



09/22/02 Ah yes. A long, interesting three days. On thursday, upon arrival in Memphis, I was greeted at the door by Lagan and David, who had prepared what they referred to as a "food casserole." Ingredients: "Powder," spaghetti, macaroni, tomato sauce, black beans, creamed corn, artichoke hearts, hot dogs, cheese.. god there were like 4 other things i can't even remember them. It was quality. We then proceeded to infiltrate the sears building, steal the 2 remaining state maps and then mount them on the wall at the house. Friday, god, i barely remember it, but you'll be treated to another David Lafevor and Pablo Maurer voice-guided tour in the next day or two... Here's a sneak peak though.... peace out...



09/18/02 Click right here for Sam Smith and Pablo Maurer's thoughts on many things in the world. I've decided to start archiving a lot of stuff. Instead of leaving old shit on the front page I'll move it to the archives. So if you're looking for like an old link you saw on this home page, it can be accessed by using the icons at the left. Old news, entries, etc will be kept in the archives. Just to recap for you first-time visitors or you people who are just totally slow, all of the features of the site are available by clicking on those little icons on the left. Float your mouse over one of the icons, without clicking, and leave it there for a sec - a popup will tell you what it leads you to. So anyways. I'm off to meet up with David and Lagan tommorow and i'll be returning home on Saturday. I did the unthinkable today - I worked a shift at fucking RIO BRAVO. It was everything I remembered it to be. Nuff said. I'll see you folks on Saturday. Peace out.

09/17/02 Click right here for Sam Smith and Pablo Maurer's thoughts on many things in the world. I got my job back @ Rio and Bar Chicago for now, bartending. In the meantime I've put in several applications, including one @ Southwest - the main benifit there being that I fly anywhere in the US for free if I get that job... We'll see what happens. Meeting up with David and Lagan in a couple of days. Should be raucous fun had by all. We'll see what happens. Later....

Click here for the Spain Slideshow
Panoramic Shots from Spain
JUST IN: David and Pablo's Voice Guided Slideshow from Memphis.
Vanilla Ice's "I Love You:" Greatest Song Ever.
SEPTEMBER 11TH, 2002: A NATION MOURNS OVER PABLO'S PERSONAL TRAGEDY.
MARIO AND BESPINA, HOW COULD I EVER LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU.
Click here to listen to U2's new single, Electrical Storm
Click here for hands-down the funniest thing I've ever experienced in my life. Ever. Bud Lights "Real American Heroes & Real Men of Genius" archive.
Congratulations, 7-11. A guy could really get used to this.
The Fountain Square Memorial Home Page
Need a Movie to Rent? Check out my suggestions....
Sam and Pablo's questionable Hall of fame, brought to you by Sather's candies.
What does it mean to be "Wasted off Butter?"
Pablo Is Raped in a Culinary Manner at McDonalds.
List of questionable and unquestionable things.
Proof that Micheal Jackson is freakish looking
Proof that Lagan, David & Pablo really did steal Ronald.
A collection of poems written by Pablo Maurer in the 3rd grade style that all start with him talking about loving something, and then that thing dies, and then he just starts rambling on about squirrels.

Warp Pablo's Face.

09/15/02 Click here for the top 15 Television theme songs ever, with complete mp3's of every one. Yeah so I spent 1.5 semi-drunken hours of Saturday night after I got back from Jannas archiving all these theme songs and what not. I'm sure you'll enjoy. peace out.